Stuff we found useful.....

I thought that today's post could be about some things we have found really useful over the last 7 months and I don't mean paracetamol and ear plugs...baby stuff. Perhaps it will help some of you who are looking for more stuff to buy! If you are anything like me then any excuse works.....

• James' mum bought us the most brilliant swaddling blanket for Ted when he was only a week or so old. It is available on Amazon and the company is called swaddleme. It is a simple design where you just lie baby in the middle and simply secure the Velcro straps around him. The legs are left to kick free in a sort of grobag style. It sounds like a straight jacket and it does look a bit like one but it really soothed Ted. When we got him ready for bed we would put him in this before the breastfeed and it stopped him getting worked up by playing with his hands. As soon as we got it on him it soothed him, literally, as we lay him in it he would calm down. Definitely a brilliant buy. He had this until he moved into his own room (8 weeks) then we moved onto a grobag. What was particularly good was that it is nice and thin so the baby is not bundled in to may layers (this always worried me about swaddling as by the time you have folded a blanket and if the baby is in a baby grow it can be up to 5 layers!). Because Ted was born in the winter when we had very heavy snow he had this as well as a vest and baby grow. Sometimes we would add 1 layer of blanket when it was very cold. As his arms were secure there is no need to worry about him getting tangled in covers (this worry literally kept us up at night)
• Which brings me on to another great product. I'm sure you are all familiar with grobags so I'm hardly original here. But these were truly a godsend. Ted is in a lightweight one in his cot as I write this. He had a thick one for winter with vest and baby grow. Sometimes when its hot he only had the grobag and a sleeveless vest. No worries at all about 'feet to foot' position in the cot he can wiggle into a comfy position and still be cosy with no loose covers  at all. I think everyone should give this a go.
• From the same company comes the groegg. A friend got me this before Ted was born and I have had it plugged in from that day to this. It is an egg shaped device which plugs in and tells the temperature in the room. When its too cold 16 degrees for example it glows blue, perfect temp around 18 degrees it glows amber, it changes to a deeper amber then red when its too hot, over 20 degrees. It was so reassuring to glance over and see if the room was a good temp rather than working out if a certain temperature is OK or not. Enclosed in the box it tells you how many layers your baby should have on in certain temperatures,this was another useful thing to have. We became obsessed with the temperature in our bedroom and still are. So funny that we still comment on it "um its 21 in Teds room you know!" We are the most boring people I know!
• We have the angelcare movement and sound monitor. What we love about this is that is has a sensor mat which detects heartbeat. If heartbeat stops (say if you leave the monitor on and remove the baby) an alarm goes off. This was so reassuring to us as Ted went in to his own room l=not long after he had croup (which blocked his airways) so we could just look over at the monitor and see if he was breathing without disturbing him (this was literally every 5 minutes when he went in his own room). The  pendulum ticking over is a lovely sight indeed.
• I couldn't forget the most brilliant product we ever bought for Ted. They are onelife washable nappies. I know these are such a commitment and the initial expense can seem a lot (it was knocking on the door of £300 for 26 cotton nappies ,boosters, liners,outer covers, nappy bucket, laundry bags). That said I have only ever bought 2 small packs of disposables to have in emergencies and to keep at James mums house (this was done when ted was very new..... in case I died and James couldn't face washing the nappies. I don't know why but i used to worry about dying a lot). They have been so great. S soft and comfy (They look soft and comfy, I cant say for certain) and Ted has NEVER had a nappy rash. Ever. There was no complicated folding, which put me off all the other brands. They just have poppers on either side which are adjusted as the baby grows and a flap at the top which folds down when the baby is tiny. On top of the nappy is a waterproof cover which comes in sizes xs for mew born, the 1 thought o 3. Boosters are available which add an extra absorbent layer (we started off just using these at night and now I use them with every change as Ted has got bigger) I know this is not for everyone and it can be grim taking out the liner with the 'deposit' on it and flushing it, but in my opinion well worth it. They have saved us so much money (this was not the initial motivation but it really does hit home when I see the cost of nappies and how much my friends spend on them. I see it as, we have only spent £300 on nappies and we will only ever have spent that much. I just love the idea that they are cotton, and natural. On the rare occasion that Ted is in a disposable he seems so smelly and seems to need to be changed more regularly. I find that when it comes to number 2s disposables leak so much more than the washables (I suppose this is because the washables are larger and go further up his back). In the early days when friends were changing pooey baby grows a few times daily I literally wouldn't have had to change Teds clothes for 2 days (I did, obviously...put down the phone, no need for social services here). All in all the best thing ever. Even James, who was hugely skeptical at first, loves them. he makes a face when Ted is in a disposable and calls our nappies "proper nappies", like a grandma.
• We use Weleda baby care nappy cream as Ted didn't get on with sudo creme as he was very sensitive. They have a lovely range for bath and body too. Lovely smells. Which makes a change for the little bottom, I think.

So that's all I can think of for now. If I think of anything life changing I will, of course, let you know.

Mummy and Daddy time.

You know those people I mentioned in an earlier post? The ones who say their babies never cry. The 'my life is perfect and also the nappies smell like roses' people. Well, they are the ones who say that they never argue with their husband/partner about the baby. Or even argue at all. Ever. All they say is that the baby has brought them closer together. Well here's the truth. We all argue.The baby has bought us closer together as well, but thats not the end of the story. One reason he bought us closer is beacuse we can navigate the crappy times better. I can tell you that James and I have had some of the biggest 'ding dongs' as he calls them since having Teddy. We argued over who is more tired (seriously it was so pointless that its funny...now). By the way, it was me...... Obviously. We argued over why Ted could be crying. We would end up having a row when he got home from work, even though all I had wanted to do all day was see his face. In the early days we seemed to even argue over the things that we agreed on. We did have rows pre Ted. But they were different. I think that this was because we didn't throw lack of sleep into the mix.

Taking all that into consideration I would still agree with the obnoxious ones about one thing. Having the boy has bought us closer together in ways that I could never have imagined. Whenever we row I can't seem able carry it on because whenever I look at Teds little face, I see James and I just forget. Not for good mind you, but long enough to calm down and be rational. Over the months we have learned when to leave the fight alone and be more tolerant. Because after all, we are in the same boat. Both tired and both want whats best for the baby. It took 7 months for me to realise this. Sometimes we just need to give each other a break and try not to take our tempers out on each other. Easy to say.....did I mention that this has taken us 7 months?

So to the other mummies remember these things. They help me not to loose my rag so often:

• Ease up on him, he is doing the best he can. Its not his fault he is pathetic about the smelly nappies or has a very convenient need to 'pop to the shop' when you have a million things to do.
• He still loves you even though you are fat/have stretch marks/are a nutter (insert your own flaw here)
• He is tired too and it doesn't matter who is more tired
• He cannot read your mind. Tell him what you want. Preferably before you loose your temper with him for not guessing in the first place
• He loves you and the baby. He really does.That is the number 1 most important thing.
• Spend some time together as a family. I made the mistake in the early days (and still sometimes now) of taking advantage of the fact that James was home, giving Ted to him (dumping is his word) and getting on with jobs. The washing really isn't that important.
• Don't over think things. Men are basic.
• You wont remember the rows just the good times. Sodon't waste time, try and have more good times.

So, in the words of the equally crazy Mr Springer, time for the final thought. I had a baby with James because he is a good man. I adore him. Worship him, and now Teddy too. I wanted a boy just like him and I got it. So it can't be all bad, can it? Teds a bit of me and a bit of him. A bit of us. What on earth is there to be cross about?

Food glorious food.

Weaning babies can be a confusing time. I think we are all in the same boat. Baby rice or not to baby rice? Are they being fussy or do they just not like this? Is it time yet? Too early? Too late? Not putting on weight? Not interested at all? I had all these thoughts running through my head like nobodys buisness when I began to wean Ted (except the weight one. He has been huge more or less all of the time) and all my friends have felt the same way. 

 I am pleased to say that he is not a fussy eater (so far so good) and if he didn't like it the first time then he eventually did after the third or fourth try. He is going through a bit of a funny time at the moment and is kicking off at meal times as he wants to feed himself or eat finger foods which I have just begun to introduce (Ted has 2 teeth so that helps him a bit). I plan to just continue to offer him a wide variety and his old favorites and hopefully he will go back to how he was, greedy! Watch this space......

Here are a few things which helped to get where I am with Ted now and a few things that have helped my friends as well.

• I cook from fresh and organic where I can. I haven't been silly with the organic as its just not possible to do absolutley everything organic and not stress about what your baby is offered at say, a friend or relatives house. I think fresh and healthy are of paramount importance. This makes me feel good. James and I don't eat packet food so why should Ted?
• My steamer has been an essential tool when cooking for Ted. It is 2 tiers and goes on the stove so I can use the 'cooking' water to thin out purees. I steam literally all the fresh stuff I cook. Most recipe books I have tell you to saute this and simmer that. When it comes to fruit and veg combinations I think steam the lot. Another bonus to this method is that it preserves vitamins. The more the merrier there.
• The hand blender has been the other essential tool. As I say, its just a hand belnder and I have mangaged just fine with that so far as you don't need huge quantities anyway. However, I did see a great looking gadget whilst browsing in boots the other day (a highlight these days). It is a steamer and blender in one by AVENT. I have the AVENT range for bottles, steam steriliser, food and bottle warmer (fantastic product) so perhaps the blender thing could be one to check out ...sadly the one that got away for me.
• In terms of what to cook I say try Annabel Karmel for recipes and ideas. You don't need to stick to her ideas to the letter, treat them as that, ideas. Also, in terms of advice about when to wean and how long to sterilise for etc don't take these kinds of books as gospel. I think that if you read all the books you can get some conflicting advise, especially about when to wean. By all means, take it all in but if in doubt ask your health visitor (and if you don't like 'yours' then pop to a local drop in and seek another opinion). I found that my health visitor gave me the best, most straightforward advise. She told me where I was going wrong. You can't get that from a book or magazine.
• Don't forget you know your baby the best. If you feel he or she is ready for solids at 4 months or 5 then give it a go. If you have been advised to start but feel your little one is still a few weeks away then don't rush, increase the milk feeds (bottle or breast) and I found it helped to let Ted always feed freely from the breast, take little breaks and come back to the boob until he was full. N.B: Breastfeeding is certainly not just for christmas....you know like a dog. You have to hardcore about it. Well worth it in my opinion. I started Ted on solids at 4 months but he didn't really take to it so I incresed the boob feeds and that held him off and left him more satisfied until he was just a little over 6 months.
• Ted didn't take to bland baby rice but I know that other babies do. His favorite was and still is, sweet potatoe and I find that if I am introuducing something new, like when I first did fish, I used sweet potatoe and carrot as a base so he had something familiar to go with something strange. With this in mind I always cook and freeze a few portions of sweet potatoe, butternut squash and carrot for emergencies.
• I found it useful to cook and freeze in large batches using AVENT milk containers. These have been the best by far that I have found, not the cheapest, but they are nice and large and you can express milk into them and store breast milk in the fridge and freezer. I have found others in boots and even supermarkets. I do not recommend the small ice cube tray sized  (most people use these) as they were a waste of money for me as they only satisfied the boy for a few weeks before his greed overtook me which meant he needed more than 2 portions and that was a pain to heat up etc. I would say go bigger and have the same meal for tea or lunch 2 days running as long as you defrost in the frigde overnight and heat up in seperate batches. Another great thing about AVENT is that I used redundant 4oz bottles to freeze big portions of food using the 'sealing discs' which are a fantasic tool that also stop those pesky leaking teats (on the bottles, not me unfortunatley).
• I have a big cooking session every few weeks and freeze the lot so that means we don't need jars when we are on the go as I just take a couple of pots from the freezer each evening for the following day. I also cook meat and fish in small portions (the only time that the ice cube size trays are good). This way I can add, for example, salmon or lamb, to a veg dish of my choice. I find this keeps mealtimes fresh. Spice of life and all that.
• I know this may seem hard but what your mother or other assorted relatives say is not law. Don't forget if you are 20 or older your parent would have weaned at 3 months. End of. That doesn't mean you have to do the same. Don't be pressured. Accept advise politely "thats very interesting, I have never heard that before, I will give that a go" all do the trick.....disregard the crap.

Finally, the only fussy eaters I know have fussy daddies, mummies or fussy siblings. I simply do not accept that a baby who is only ever offered a healthy variety of foods would only eat white bread, chips, beans and other assorted crap when they get older. They only like that in the first place beacuse some one kept giving it to them. Treats are one thing but bad habits are another. Ted would do anything for rice pudding but its not all you are getting for lunch. No dice, sorry guy.

Slippery little sucker.

The big sleep.

As I write this the little boy is busy sleeping and has been since 7.3Opm. He has just (drum roll please....) started sleeping through the night. He went from waking up to 5 times a night and 2 breast feeds to this, wonderful 12 hours. There have been several things which I feel have helped get him in a great bedtime routine and finally sleeping through. Maybe they will help you. They are as follows:

1) He has had a bedtime since he was around 2 weeks old. We did this by just listening to him and when he started to get tired we would begin the routine. This had him bathed, boobed (breast fed) and in bed, (moses basket in our room until 8 weeks) between 7 and 9 pm. This timing was refined to 6.30 bath 7.30 bed and added baby massage into the mix (this has helped so much to relax him I try to do it every night) . James would often read to him while I bathed him (in a washing up bowl at first now in our bath). I thought it would be nice for Teddy to hear daddies voice for a change after hearing me quacking at him all day!

We were determined not to bully him through the night and always followed his lead. After a matter of weeks Ted really responded well to the nighttime rituals. So we kept them up. Simple as that. He started 'building up feeds' as we called it, from 5pm he would breastfeed more often, which we think took him until the 1am feed when he was still little. Don't get me wrong he woke up for feeds and until he was on the bottle (just before 6 months) he woke at around 1am and 4am to be fed and them cuddled back to sleep. He continued to wake at around these times, out of habit I think, until just a week or so ago. I would go in and cuddle him back to sleep. Either with a dummy or not. We had the bad nights when he comfort fed and woke every hour and there were many nights when we co-slept, much to the daddies horror!

I never left him to cry. Just couldn't listen to it. I still can't. So shoot me. Controlled crying is not for me. I can't say whether this helped or not. But I don't regret it. My view is: I'm a full time mum who doesn't have work to get up for (at the moment) so if I have to get up then I have to get up. Not ideal. Boo hoo.

Whilst we were establishing this routine (or rather Ted was) I read, just for interest Gina Fords contented little baby. Her ethos is based on the premise that babies do not settle themselves into routine. I found this to be totally untrue. Everything we did was led by Ted. So, all those new mums who feel they need some control and routine, don't feel that Ms Ford is the only way. She may be a bestseller but, in my view she doesn't have the best advice......waking a baby at 7am after a sleepless night is madness! Use the link above and have a look for yourselves...not for me I'm afraid.

2) I feel that the key to the sleeping through (we never had trouble getting Ted to sleep at first, he just could never get back to sleep without a cuddle or a breastfeed), was putting him down awake. I found that he was more comfortable (as he got older) on his front. After he is bathed etc, fed and winded (always 2 burps. Classic) I give him his dummy and lay him down. Do a few things in the room (I often leave washing to fold until then). He usually drops off on his own with little fuss. If he starts to become unsettled I soothe him in the bed "its sleeping time now" etc until he lays back down. Try it. At first I was skeptical but it really worked for us. When he wakes in the night now he can usually settle back alone or I go in quietly and do as before. If I'm making it seem easy don't be fooled its not. I do believe that this is because he feels safe and secure on going to sleep thanks to the routine.

3) Finally, every night (or 99% of them) is the same. Ted responds to this. Yes, it can be an effort sometimes to get home or whatever. But it works for us.

Every baby is different but this routine gave James and I our evenings back which may sound selfish but the time to be just James and Lucy is precious and was much needed in the early weeks when I really thought I would never get to watch another film or have dinner together again. Happy parents = happy baby. Simples (she says, just wait....look out for tomorrows post "awake every hour").

Beautiful.

Moments.

I have been thinking a lot about moments for the last 7 months or so. On the 7th of January this year at 01.07 am when my boy was thrown on my chest, bloody and wiggling, moments became very important to me. There were the unforgettable ones, like looking over at my partner, James, holding his son for the first time. He looked, so relieved and happy with tears in his eyes. But of course before that one came the pushing, pushing, pushing for 3 hours! The many moments I thought "you keep saying one last push, but you just don't mean that, do you. Perhaps if I just give up pushing someone will come along and rescue me!". Then there were (sorry, still are) the somewhat crappy ones, when he wouldn't stop crying, for the first few nights at home 10pm 'till 4am You know, those ones that some people say they never had. You know those people, the ones who say "My baby never cries, she/he is the perfect baby, we have to wake her/him for feeds, blah, blah, blah" By the way, those people are lying. Either that or their day comes (I promise!) . People kept visiting (never ending visitors who all wanted tea!) and they all kept saying "you get used to the crying". I just kept thinking "if one more person says that.....I don't want to get used to it because if I have to get used to it then that means that it doesn't stop...... I cannot entertain that as a possibility!". Thankfully those moments, or days, do end and after months go by they don't seem as bad as they were. I'm told that's why we are able to have more children. Of course there are the moments that make all that worth while.You know, the reason you did it, the pushing, the sleepless nights, the petty rows, the mortifying body, the cracked nipples..... The ones that just melt the heart, make it wrench and give you that excited, happy feeling inside. Like today, when I looked over at my little boy and his daddy sitting together smiling and laughing. Teddy's little feet flapping and James looking all proud.

So I suppose that's the reason I stared this blog. I wanted to share my moments and hear about yours.  Because when we have children life becomes about the moments. Because, really, that's all we have, or so it seems. Because so quickly its on to the next day, the next night, then the next milestone and you find yourself surprised at the pictures of your baby from a couple of months ago."Was he really that bald?" They are all precious, incomparable and when you become a parent you cherish them.

Finally, why the name? The mummy and the daddy. Because that's what we are now, not James and Lucy as we once were, many moons ago. We are Teds parents, most importantly.In many ways that's a good thing, but sometimes we need each other back and it feels as though "us" is a thing of the past, but that's for another day......

The day he was born.